How long we ve been dating
But, couples who cohabit prior to marriage for practical reasons and plan to someday marry all along fare better (and in some respects may fare better than those that didn’t cohabit), especially because these couples have had practice confronting and working through life and relationship stressors.In many ways, it sounds like your situation is fairly similar – you and your partner plan to marry, but you both realize this isn’t the best time for that step; you’re not putting it off because you’re worried about whether your relationship will last (at least I think that’s what you’re saying).
Your approach is probably a good one if this does indeed describe your relationship.However, if anyone refers to me as his girlfriend in front of him, the colour drains from his face.When I asked him if we were going out properly he just said he ‘wasn’t there yet, and wasn’t even sure if he wanted a serious relationship.’ “I don’t want to push it as I have a really nice time with him.Couples who cohabit prior to marriage because they want to ‘try things out’ often adopt this approach because they already see some potential problems with long-term compatibility.It should come as no surprise then that these types of relationships are less than stable if they transition into a marital relationship (in fact, it’s very likely that this ‘group’ of cohabiters contributes a large degree to the finding that premarital cohabitation is bad for marriage).“They’re still getting over their ex,” “they just need more time,” or (ugh) “they’re scared of commitment,” but the fact is when someone meets the right person, they can’t propose marriage, or a joint rental agreement quick enough.
Of course, there’s always the chance that I’m (shocker) wrong – maybe eight weeks is far too early to call it – maybe I’m going to miss out on swathes of wonderful, slightly indecisive men who need longer than a couple of months to decide if they want to be in a relationship.
Or maybe I’m just particularly unlucky when it comes to men.
A survey carried out last year by dating website ‘Seeking Arrangements’ found that most couples tend to say ‘I love you’ after 14 dates – or seven weeks (the average number of dates per week was two).
However, according to a male friend, it’s just the way some men are.
“I’ve never willingly called any of the women I’ve been out with my girlfriends – even the ones I’ve lived with.
In fact, one of the biggest risk factors for poor marital outcomes is getting married young. Part of the reason is that these folks tend to have short courtships, but it’s also the case that individuals’ identities or self-concepts tend to shift throughout adolescence and emerging adulthood.