How to go from dating to serious
“I’ve never willingly called any of the women I’ve been out with my girlfriends – even the ones I’ve lived with.
” For Greg and Gina, this conversation occurred at the four month point in their relationship.Maybe that’s a bit dogmatic but everyone’s got to draw a line somewhere.And if there’s one thing I learnt from my 20s, it’s that I’m not going to waste any of my time on men who won’t even waste a noun on me.A survey carried out last year by dating website ‘Seeking Arrangements’ found that most couples tend to say ‘I love you’ after 14 dates – or seven weeks (the average number of dates per week was two).Similarly, most new couples introduced each other to friends for the first time after six dates or three weeks, and that people are most likely to introduce their new boy or girlfriend to their parents after 12 dates or six weeks.Invariably if the person I’m speaking to has been single at any point in the last decade, then yes, they know exactly what I mean, because if there’s one scenario that’s become endemic amongst myself and my peers, it’s our inability to define a relationship after the first five or six dates. Is it too soon to refer to someone as your boyfriend? If you’ve been on 12 dates with someone, you really don’t still want to be seeing other people do you?
But if you’re not seeing anyone else, and you’re seeing a lot of each other what on earth is it if it’s not a relationship?
” explaining how proper dating has been replaced with casual hook ups and ill-defined relationships. And when I say I’ve learnt this the hard way, I mean it.
Online dating, and our ability to be in constant contact with everyone we know via text, email or social media make us unwilling to commit to one person, and more likely to want to hedge our bets. In an article I wrote earlier this year about modern dating, I used the example of a man I’d been sleeping with for over a year, who got cross when I referred to him as my boyfriend.
Maybe I’m being old fashioned and just plain unrealistic to think that I should wait for someone who’s actually interested enough to want to chase me, who knows for certain from the out that they want a relationship with me – and who doesn’t need talking into the bloody thing.
Or maybe I’m just particularly unlucky when it comes to men.
And if you land a boyfriend that way and then ‘win’ (and by ‘win,’ I mean you get the ultimate prize – marriage) then can you ever really relax, knowing they were so blasé about you when you first met that it took them six months, nine months, a year to refer to you as their girlfriend?