Stop being accommodating in relationships
In some cases people pleasing can just come from an overactive 'super ego' (the part of your psyche which, according to psychodynamic psychology, is responsible for your concerns and social behavior and for suppressing baser desires), and from having too much sensitivity and empathy.
Assess Your Situation Before you can move forward you need to get a handle on the problem as it is.This then means that you then bend over backwards to be compliant and accommodating in the fear that the slightest disagreement will cause the people to leave you to break off their relationship or friendship with you and that this will then leave you on your own.This low self esteem and co-dependence can stem from many things, and this might be a result of an upbringing where your own needs and desires were not met or considered, or where you had to be particularly sensitive.If you are a people pleaser then you need to start to take your life back.To do this you need to practice being more assertive, you need to improve your self esteem, and you need to become more independent.In short it often comes from a co-dependence mixed with a low self esteem.
In short you can't stand the idea of being alone and yet you are low enough in self esteem that you don't think people will want to be with you unless you are completely bending to their will at all times.
Because the people pleaser never shows themselves to be annoyed or frustrated this then means that others don't consider their feelings or views.
They know that the person will 'never be angry' and so they won't consider their opinions important.
At what point do you go from being generous and kind to a 'people pleaser' that is psychologically unhealthy.
Here are some signs that you might be a people pleaser: You always back down from arguments You don't raise your gripes and concerns with people You will go out of your way to please people even when it ends up doing damage to your own situation and negatively effecting you You take little time for yourself You put yourself financially out of pocket as a result of your desire to please You have a lot of one-sided relationships in which the other party seems to gain more than you You rarely say no to requests People take advantage of your good nature Why This Is a Bad Thing So if you are part Mother Teresa in all of your relationships, how is this a bad thing? First of all it is bad for you, and if you are constantly making sure that everyone else is happy then you are likely to be neglecting your own needs.
And should you move these lines to be less tolerant?